Blast from the past!

Another thought from the past: I feel like I've been set up. Nothing In the world seems to make much sense anymore and I simply trapped in the confines of a room must attempt to make sense of it all. It's here that the treasure of my mind and curiosity are challenged before me and what seems to be the world. I don't quite understand why life is such a pleasure crush and a ride for thrill and nonsense. We are exposed and the stripped bear as if nothing mstters. Nothing is real. They say that but I have a feeling that's much deeper than that. I know that life is a bigger puzzle that we have to work hard to understand and to do that we have to sacrifice ourselves and others to get it. It's funny when you think about death and how it wants to grab at every moment of life to make sure everything is the way it wants it. These days life expectancy is very high so i know ill live a long and prosperous life if I do all the things that god wants me to but that's just my frustration. I don't know what god wants me to do. I have an understanding but it hasn't manifested itself to become my reality: I feel blessed. I think that's my reality.